Anguish

At the end of our travels we take some time with our teams to talk about the changes that occur within us when we return home. We leave a small footprint on the place we have been but the mark on our heart is huge in comparison. We do not fully appreciate all that has occurred until we process all that has happened and even then…it often takes a lifetime to work through.

I stood outside yesterday morning just as the trees began to 

 rustle and blow…a breeze was coming and the wind chimes began to sing. I heard the leaves stirring in the trees (God's wind chimes) and I closed my eyes. It felt so soothing to me and I began to cry. Beautiful, sweet, quiet tears which meant the floodgates of my heart were about to open and I was ready for what God would have for me. I sat in my favorite chair in the shade and waited. He had one word for me….Anguish. The word rocked my heart and soul and then my tears turned to sobs. I had forgotten the beauty of the anguish.

I have alluded to this past year as being hard. I have struggled with my calling and all the busyness associated with the changes in my life. I had asked God for a life of ease. I wanted to have the life I perceived others had. I did not want anguish, I did not want my heart wretched and torn. I fought God, and had a million reasons why I needed the break and then went through the motions of life. I had never felt so lost or weary.

For a few of you who traveled with us to the Solomon Islands we heard the words of David Wilkerson on anguish and then I read the account of an ordinary man God called upon to carry the burden of God's own heart. That man was Nehemiah. When I sat outside yesterday these words flooded my heart...

What happened Nancy to your anguish over the things that break My heart? You, who have touched the hem of my garment have now  asked me for a life of ease…Is this really what you want my beloved?  Can you settle for anything less than what I have already shown you?  You have seen the sacred places, the places that break my heart and shared my love with people in places where no on else dares to go. I have broken your heart and then given that heart a capacity for love you had never known existed before. You go in My name and you bring the message of who I am. You care and love those who are forgotten and downtrodden. Whatever happened to the anguish of your calling? Your passion to love was born in that place…that place of wretchedness and heartfelt pain. I have shown you extraordinary…could you ever settle for the ordinary again? You have seen the work of my Hands and I know you are in awe of this. Do you really want this life of ease my beloved?

I had been asking God for ordinary when I have lived the extraordinary. I had wanted ease over anguish. 

Right before we left Fiji I had thought about pearls. Pearls are in great abundance in the South Pacific and I am a lover of pearls. A pearl is formed when trauma (or disruption of the ordinary) has occurred on the fragile rim of the otherwise tough shell of the mollusk. As part of the healing (restorative) process a pearl sac is formed and over a period of time layers are built up and eventually a beautiful, resilient pearl forms. I am a pearl to my God. He has cultivated me and allowed me to become something I could not have been without His constant influences. He allows me to be at the hem of His garment and to see the

Works of His hands. He has called me by name and I am able to see the bits and pieces of the anguish of His heart. I am His beloved. I live in those places and I long for those places. My heart is home in those places. Lord, true joy, comes out of anguish. I can be no other place...

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home conjures up many images for me…the place where family is, a sanctuary or place of refuge that is always open, a place of familiarity and unconditional acceptance, and, as my dear friend Nzash says…airplanes. The place where I am and whose 'front door' opens to the place I long to be. I find that statement to be so true as we land again in the Solomon Islands.

I am home again in Verakabikabi. These words bring tears to my eyes. As we head up the red dirt road my heart swells and I am happy to be back to this place that holds a part of my heart. It seems as if only a breath has passed and I am back with those I have come to love so very much. I know they are waiting for us and will greet us with their traditional dance and music. I am excited to share in this moment. The daughter of the chief is waiting for me. She thanks me again for making the home visit last year to her ailing father. He passed away this May and while they are all grieving his loss, they are excited for the gift and legacy he will leave. He has given land to the church and this trip will begin the building of a new church and medical clinic.

We will travel daily in the back of a flatbed truck  to places like Antioch, Tina, and Matanga. We are a well equipped team this year. Two physicians, four nurses, two dietitians, a master gardener, and a construction team. We travel to beautiful remote villages which have never had 'guests' before us. In anticipation of this, some of the chiefs in the neighboring villages  will come to see us on our first clinic day so they will know how to prepare for us on the day we are in their villages. We are greeted with songs everywhere we go and made to feel so very welcomed.

 We are met by a man named Matthew and his friend Daniel who came to see us last year. 

Matthew is 81 years old and he walked four hours today for his "follow-up" visit in our clinic today.

I cannot tell you how honored I am to see and care for him again and hear the details of this last year since I saw him last.

The construction team has laid the beginnings of the foundation for the church and medical clinics. We met with the Minister of Health at the construction site and were given his blessing and support. The village of Verakabikabi will make the 5,000 bricks need for the building during the time we are gone. This is their contribution towards the project and it is huge.

Agriculture sustainability and nutrition were taught this year and the villagers were in awe of all that they learned. We all learned so much on this trip and for that we are enriched beyond what we could ever say. The Solomon Sun newspaper did a front page article on the medical clinics and agriculture teachings and we were honored by their support.

At the end of our work day we join the construction crew at the work site. We are served tea and small cakes by our friends. The clouds begin to gather in the sky and sometimes we are caught in a rainstorm. It is a time of delight that we share together and I can think of no better way to end our day.

I think from God's perspective it was just a heartbeat since we were here last. He was working out the details of a perfect plan. I have come to realize in these moments that sometimes I am the work that needs the perfect plan and Hand of God and sometimes I am apart of His Hand. Either way, I am far richer at the end of the day.

Bridges

If you asked Tom or I what was the most memorable part of our time in Fiji you would get two different answers. We would, of course, both be right. Some amazing things happened but at the end of the day, we would both agree it was the handiwork of God that prevailed.

For me, it is a collection of small things all coming together. The beautiful 'hodgepodge' of people God throws together and then the beginning of relationships and memories that will endure a lifetime. I have traveled to the Fijian Islands for eleven years now and my relationships with the locals is like family to me. We sleep in the home of Tuey and Anna in the village of Nabouwalu and their grandkids call me Sithee (arabic for grandmother). They wait up for us at night and see us off each  morning. I spend time on the kitchen floor with the ladies as they endlessly prepare our meals. It is a family affair as we prepare lovo (BBQ) together. We sing together in the evenings before we go to bed and bathe each night in the coldest water ever!

I get to know people in some of their most vulnerable moments. Most are out of their comfort zones on the mission field and so we share life and our stories together. I savor these moments and are enriched by them.

Caring for the people in Fiji is an honor. Six medical providers saw and average of 200 people each day…listening, caring, teaching, touching, and praying for each and everyone that came to our clinic. We held our clinics in some of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. We gave physicals to the school kids…rows and rows of children in their bright pink uniforms waiting for their exams. We saw pregnant women who had never heard a fetal heartbeat. We would turn the doppler up high and a hush would settle in the room as everyone listened to  the sounds of the baby's heartbeat for the very first time.  Then, there would be tears of excitement by everyone.

In the Kymbalan language, the term diyoto means 'the coming together to work together'. In Fiji, the same concept occurs with great ease. The medical clinics are used in multiple ways. A tangible way to show the love of God, teaching health to those who have no other options, caring for the poorest by cleaning their wounds and treating their ailments, and then, bridging the way for others to follow when we are gone. We travel to places where no one else has ever come before. Medicine is the way in for those missionaries who remain long after we have gone. The impact of this made such an impression on both Tom and I this year.

We have been a part of something so beautiful and yet we have only seen a mere

moment of all that is yet to be. God is not done…things are still happening. I am excited to see what will transpire.

Refinement

I was thinking about the words of a song by Ginny Owens this morning…one I have not thought of for quite some time. They seem so appropriate for this season of my life.

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

It is the beginning of my travels and I as I sit here I know parts of this journey have not been easy…but without doubt, I am not alone.

I have long given up the notion that these are 'trips' I take to do 'good works' but a part of my life and calling. I found that I struggled some this year with that calling and many times wrestled with God asking 'for a life of ease' instead of asking for endurance and perseverance. It was a year filled with so many changes  I think I just grew weary and so many things felt hard.

Something happened right before we left and I have found myself thinking of it lately.  Tom and I  recently celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary in Pacific Grove. I was sitting in the courtyard of the Post Graduate School enjoying the cool breeze and listening to the faint sound of the waves as they hit the shoreline. I looked up and I noticed I was sitting in front of a beautiful array of flags from  countries around the world. I have always enjoyed traveling and so the beauty of this caught my attention. Almost, as if on cue, I  began to hear bagpipes playing inside  the Officers Club for what may have been a retirement ceremony. The timing of this  was overwhelming to me and I began to realize that this was no accident. As I began to fully appreciate the beauty around me God had one more exquisite gift for me to enjoy. The most impressive peacock I have ever seen walked in front of me displaying his full plumage. His wingspan was at least six feet wide and it was as if he appeared out of nowhere to suddenly stand before the flags and let his beauty take my breath away. What a beautiful gift it was. It was unforgettable to me….

I have just now begun to understand the depth of that moment. My life is that moment, filled with  incredible beauty in the gifts that God has given  me. The gifts are intentional on His part and He fills them with the things that give me the deepest satisfaction and joy. It is also intensely hard at times but I am beginning to remember that I am not alone in those times either. I remember He has given me intensely hard and incredibly beautiful and I shall settle for no less...

Silk Threads

We are aboard a DC-8 on the leg of our journey that takes us from Singapore to Japan. This flight runs twice a week from this location and is a luxurious way to travel. The back of the plane houses twenty-six first class seats and is walled off from the rest of the plane which serves as a cargo vessel. We are served  salmon, shrimp salad, fresh steamed vegetables, pasta with real cheese, bread and butter, and a glass of wine for lunch. For desert,  we are given the richest piece of chocolate cake. This was truly a first class ride.

As we head back I have hours to think of our journeys. I am forever grateful for the time we have had to be  together and the sacrifices made for this  kind of travel. To our family, we have missed you so very much and thank you for all your help and especially your communications to us so we never felt too far from home. Being away from you is the hardest part of our travels. For those of you who cover for us while we are gone, we owe a debt of gratitude we can never repay.

I find my self contemplating all that has transpired in these last few months.  I have been fascinated with something that I had thought about very early on in our trip. I am not sure if it had to do with the area we were in or the things we had seen but in the beginning of our travels I had dreamt about silkworms. I am not sure if the intensity of that dream had to do with God or the fact that we have been taking anti-malarial medications but it was an  exquisitely, beautiful dream. And, I don't usually say that about dreams that have worms in them. Some of the most beautiful silk in the  world is produced in the areas we visited and I was fascinated  how a worm could produce  a thread that would eventually contribute to something as beautiful as a piece of silk.

It seems that the silk worm has only one purpose in life.  That is to produce silk thread. Beautiful and strong thread.  I could watch for hours as the women would take these fibers of threads and faithfully intertwine them together and watch as the thread was transformed into beautiful silk. While a single thread has some strength and beauty in its own right, when combined with other fibers it transforms in to something  greater than itself.  I found many occasion to watch the women at the looms and never grew tired of watching this process.

It made me think of my life and the mere fiber that I am. On my own I am but a meager thread. But, with the many threads my life is interwoven with I have gotten to be a part of something beautiful and enduring and greater than it would have been if left on its own. You who read this are the foundations of that cloth. You are the beginnings and ends of the fabric that is my life. Other threads come in and fill the empty spaces. For me, when we travel we have the opportunity to incorporate the threads of other lives into this cloth. They add a dimension and a beauty  that we would not have found had we not been exactly where we were. They enhance the finished product in a way that is unforgettable and is of the greatest value to us. I love the beauty that they add and I am forever enriched because of their contributions.

I have  been blessed by a beautiful career serving and caring for others. And, while the venue for that has changed,  the depth of relationships and the way God has woven all those 'silken' threads together will not change and will always be a part of who I am. The touching of so many threads has deepened my life in many ways  and for the beauty of  that I am forever thankful.

I also realize that  I am a work in progress and so I open myself up for all that is yet to be. I am ready for the new  fibers that are sure to come my way. And while they may look a little different,  I know they will add just what is needed. I am trusting He who weaved and knitted me together in the womb of my mother...

We are home this morning and when I reflect upon the exquisite favor we have had during our travels, I thank God for His goodness to us. I am forever thankful for the way He has woven together all the threads of our lives and that we share together in the works of the Master.

We are happy to be home…see you soon!

Our Days in Malaysia

At the beginning of our sabbatical we met a man named Bud Bouchet in Hawaii who was traveling back to Thailand where he had lived for the last several years. He was retired from the military but had taken a civil servant job as an attaché and his last post was in Bangkok. He and his wife were going to move to Malaysia for their retirement years. We spent some time together in Japan and then again in Singapore. When we departed ways, he told us about the 'Jungle Train' through Malaysia. We have been captivated by this thought and his stories ever since.

This post is coming from seat 3B aboard the southbound train from KL Sentral, Malaysia to Woodland Station in Singapore. We are traveling in the first class section and it is charming. We have taken to reading the blogposts of a fellow train traveller and knew  exactly what we needed to do before boarding the train. We are set.

We have had a transitory visit here in Malaysia. We flew in from Lao and knew we would only spend about four days in this country. We looked forward to the train ride just so we could see the life on other side of the tracks. People come from all over the world to this area to eat and shop and to celebrate in some of the local customs. The Deepavali/Diwali festival begins this month. It is also known as the festival of the lights and many Hindu people celebrate this time with vacation and travel. For the many Hindu people in Malaysia it is a time of preparation and celebration. One of the most distinguishing symbols of the celebration is the beautiful and intricate art displays around the city. The symbol is the peacock and it is often depicted in a rice drawing. Here different colored grains of rice are meticulously laid  out in an intricate patterns. They are beautiful...

We have mastered the skill of public transportation and now look forward to the challenge of trying new forms of travel. We rode the monorail throughout the city for mere pennies and had an opportunity to see many things. The city is dense so we put on our walking shoes and just explored. In this way we could see and experience many different things. There is a Chinatown and Little India, a muslim area and the largest shopping complex I have ever seen. The Petronas Towers. This is the destination place of so many travelers we met while here in Kuala Lumpur. And, while I am not a shopper, I will have to say it was an exquisite architectural structure.

We tried the local food and it was delicious. We ate at an Indian restaurant where the owner took a liking to us and had us try every dish he was preparing. It was the best I have ever had and I wish I could make these things for you. We had had a little problem with the hotel we had originally booked for our stay while here in Kuala Lumpur and ended up staying in another place. But, when they heard that it was Tom's birthday, the hotel manager invited us over for dinner and gifted us with a delicious dinner and a most beautiful view of the cty. We felt so honored by this special treatment.

I sit in my window seat and within thirty minutes I am out of the city and deep into the jungle. Sometimes I can not even see the sky above me for the multitude of greenery. When there is a clearing I can see the water laden clouds and know that a storm will soon ensue. I am excited to be exactly where I am and look forward to the next several hours. I am excited to be homeward bound...

Happy Fiftieth Anniversary of Your Twenty-first Birthday Tommy Stoeckel!

The one and only consolation that we have for not being  home to celebrate Tom's birthday (all the fall birthdays really) is that for the last few years we have been in some  exotic place celebrating this day in a most memorable fashion. This year was not any different.  This year we were in Lao and the physicians we have been working with arranged a beautiful party for Tom at one of the authentic Lao restaurants. We knew we were meeting that night for a 'banquet' we just didn't know it was to honor Tom.

We started the day with a leisurely breakfast and then walked down the street for a spa day.One might get confused when reading this, thinking that this day was my anniversary/birthday but I think Tom is hooked on these massages. He always avoided them in the past because he is so ticklish but he has definitely gotten over that.  The thought of spending a couple of hours on massages and pedicures is now as appealing to him as it has always been to me. It was a traditional Lao massage with a warm herbal oil added in. We put ourselves in the hands of two small women and they worked wonders on every part of our body for a couple of hours. It was like heaven. We grabbed a quick lunch…a tuna sandwich which we have not had for months and a cold beer at a sidewalk cafe. It was perfect.

We  slowly sauntered home and began to prepare for the evenings festivities.  We arrived at the Pamnak Lao Restaurant and there before us was a banquet of wonderful traditional Lao foods. The table was covered with the specialities from different regions of Lao and so we tried things we have never seen or heard before. I sat next to the Physician who represents the Communist party and oversees the work of the hospital and the distribution of the medical equipment we send. She was lovely and explained how to eat the food before me. For example, we each have a cylinder like basket that is is filled with hot, purple sticky rice. You get a piece of that, roll it in a ball,  and then dip it into your soup broth or the broth from one of the other meat dishes. It is delicious and we feel right at home eating with our hands as this is the way most countries that we have been in this year eat. We are quite skilled and for those of you who know about Tom's need for every eating utensil when he eats, he can now roll rice with the best of them! We wanted for nothing and every time our plates looked half way empty someone put something new for us to try. It was delicious.

The restaurant also had traditional musicians and dancers so we enjoyed a beautiful evening watching and listening to the customs of Lao antiquity. Suddenly, everything came to a stop and Tom was called forward while the musicians played Happy Birthday on their instruments. It is the tradition to ring in your new year by hitting a large metal disc, 'as if you were twenty one'  He did it and everyone enjoyed it. They brought out a beautiful birthday cake and two dozen red roses. It was a beautiful evening and Tom felt very honored and humbled and I was  happy for him.

Tomorrow we fly to Malaysia where we will spend a few days. We plan on taking the "Jungle Train" through this country and into Singapore. We have heard that it is a beautiful journey and we are excited to be on the train again. We  are eager to see the countryside this way.

 We will let you know...